craziness...

Alright, so I'm texting my lady back and forth sleep somehow becomes the topic of discussion... kind of. I have this thing where depending on where I'm sleeping and what time I go to bed, I'll wake up in the middle of the night and go get something to eat and/or drink. I'll take a couple minutes to consume whatever it was that I found then I'll go back to sleep. Essentially its a midnight snack only my craving usually comes at around 3 or 4 in the morning.

Anyway, last night I woke up as usual and went to the kitchen to do some exploring. I ended up settling for some tortilla chips, a raisin bagel, and a cup of apple juice. Crucial. I was right back asleep in a matter of seconds. THIS IS WHERE S**T GETS WEIRD.

When I fell back asleep I had the strangest dream I've had in a while. For those of you that know me... well, let me not even go there. All I'm gonna say is that I've dealt with some crazy women in my life who have done some crazy shit. The queen pen of them all, lets call her Keri (looked around my room and saw the lotion bottle), is the one who decides to invade dream and make a guest appearance. Great. Trust me when I say that if Keri is in my dream, its about to be some wild s**t.

So it starts with us in the super market. Mind you, we don't even speak anymore so what I'm doing in a super market with this jont, I don't know. So we're walking down the aisles, picking up things that we needed. I think she needed a ride to the super market and I needed to go anyway so I picked her up. Some s** happened while we were shopping but I can't remember what it was right now. Hopefully it'll come to me later. But yeah, we get to the cashier and this midget couple tries to just cut right in front of us. Now anyone with an elementary school education or higher knows that cutting is not a matter to be taken lightly, so I say "Excuse me, but we were next," to which they replied "So the f**k what? We have like 4 things and you have a whole cart full of s**t. Just Chill." Keri is insane and will smack your senile grandmother for calling her the wrong by the name, so of course she starts to go off to these two little people in the middle of the store and I have to calm her down, even though in my mind I'm wishing I never brought her ass in the first place. So I tell them "F**k it. Just go" and out of nowhere, these two women who were behind us with their groceries the whole time decide it'd be smart to comment on the whole thing. So their sassin us and saying s**t and we're tellin them its none of their business so they can shut the f**k up and its all very interesting. Even when we're paying for our stuff, they're still talking. Right before we leave I turn to say something smart and realize that one of the women is a stone cold MILF. And I got a thing for older women. My smart comment some how turns into straight charm and we're flirting back and forth. Keri sees this and gets pissed, and she was already mad to begin with. She gets way out of line (kinda like when we were together) and starts yelling at me. So we get outside and I tell to calm down or I'll leave her in front of the super market with her s**t and call her a cab. She replies "F**k you. I don't need you" so I take her bags out and start walking the cart to my car. Out of nowhere, this b**ch runs past me with like 10 cans of Campbells soup and starts throwing them at my car while screaming that she hates me at the top of her lungs. My first thought was to choke the s**t out of her but instead I called the police and lit a Black and Mild.

She hates that I smoke.