matter of time

Where do I begin?...

I guess it's only proper to first clear the air and say that this is in no way an angry blog post. In reality, this doesn't even concern the majority of my readers. So why post it?... I'm not really sure. I felt compelled to and I wasn't willing to risk not writing it then regretting my decision in the future. So here it is. Try reading this as if you're a completely oblivious party, not at all involved; maybe you'll recieve it better and further understand my position.

This is in response to the post that you, Ms. Hargette, wrote about a so-called anonymous person that you've encountered. I have every reason to believe that person is me, however, if I'm wrong in my assumption, I apologize. Recently, I've taken on a very non-confrontational approach to life, and responding to a post such as yours would never cross my mind. For one reason or another, this was not the case this time.

I guess what confuses my simple mind is why you find it necessary to continue to write such negative posts about me. You claim that you've cut ties with me, which is true (more or less), yet I'm clearly still something that you find important enough to share with all of those who read your blog. I suppose I should be flattered, but as you can imagine, I find that difficult given the nature in which I'm spoken of on your blog. You claim that its always in love, however its never anything positve. Claim that you want me to grow as a man, yet always can be relied on to expose my flaws to parties uninvolved. Its crazy to me that you always get your information about me from someone else. You say that you wish me the best, yet you show no interest in my improvement and pride yourself in the fact that you don't speak to me. Which brings me to my next point...

Probably around the same time that you decided to cut ties with me, I decided to cut ties with you. I had many conversations with people close to me about my situation and each time we came to the same conclusion: though she has every reason to be upset if fhe chooses, some people prefer you to be unhappy. They're at peace when your life is in chaos. How else can you explain why some people in your life only have negative things to say to/about you? Everyone agreed that maybe you're one of those people. Not to all, maybe just to me. Either way, I'm down on myself far too often to have to deal with your criticism and exposure as well.

Contrary to what you may think, you're not helping. But its okay, because you're not making it worse either. I've known myself for 20 years; you've known me for a little less than 1. I would elaborate on where that places the significance of your opinion of me, but I fear if I did that, this post would take a sharp left into hostility, and that's just not what I'm trying to do.

Also, you don't know what I'm doing with my life or what I go through on a daily basis. To say that I'm "in the same mind set you've had since a child" and "making no attempt at gaining control" is the biggest "F**k You!" I've gotten in while. I'll leave it at that. That may have been the most upsetting part of your post, but then I thought about how little you know about me currently, and found humor in the fact that you could make comments like that with such conviction.

I'm not sure how you gained such control of your life to the point that you feel you're so perfect you can right posts about how disapointed you are in others, but know that if you wrote a book about it, I'd read it.

Also know that any of future posts regarding me or anything else, are truly for those who read you're blog. I'm no longer one of them.

I tried my best to keep this as respectful and professional as possible, and in my opinion, I've succeeded in doing so.

Thank you.